I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
