this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
