did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
