I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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