Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
