Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
