There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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