He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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