I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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