9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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