the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
