i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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