walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
