Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
