that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
