i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
