probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
