i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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