blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
