You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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