im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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