The maid of honor just puked.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
