Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i've created a new STD.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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