Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
