I just pynch a tree in the face
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
