I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
