I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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