had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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