Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize