lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
