I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize