i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
