i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
