i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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