so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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