The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Alive.
So much puke
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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