TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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