If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize