Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
