my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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