nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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