You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
