Nicole vs. Life
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
