Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize