dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
