How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
