saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
