i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
