And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
she told me i tasted like america
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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