does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
