we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
