she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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