i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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