All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
