And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
