People with herpes should wear stickers.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I have feelings that need drinking.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
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