I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
