Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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