some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
