I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
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