dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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