eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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