You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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