I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
