Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
