Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
