just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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