so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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