Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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