is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
