whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
